So, a little kiss and tell. I have what many describe as amazing lips. I’m not being vain, in fact I am still learning to appreciate them and their abundance. It’s taken me over twenty years to own my mouth, and as most self image goes, it’s a work in progress.
My mother was nicknamed “Hot Lips” from primary school. She has, what I will always envy, the perfect upper lip notch. Her lips are full, but not anywhere near the plumpness of mine. My mother is vain (runs in the family) and a wonderfully supportive mother. She’s always told me I’m beautiful, smart, wonderful, you know the drill. So when she told me how lucky I was to have such nice lips, I thought she was overcompensating. I love my mother, she is an iconic figure in my life. Comparing myself to her would always be, an exercise in appreciating the differences and learning to love them.
My lips are not articulate. They are large, soft pillows, whose only real definition are their coloring. I was born with lined lips, my mother used to emphasize. Then enter puberty and braces. If I only knew then what I knew now I would have entered into fetish modeling and rocked my ceramic braces glam-style. Too bad all they did for me at that age was make me doubly self-conscious of the size of my pucker. Angelina Jolie was still in a pre-glam, dark phase, where hot as she was, she was not the consumable beauty queen she is today. My lips are larger than Mme Jolie’s. My lips are larger than both of my parents. Where was my precedent?!
Anyway, much like breasts, my lips have always drawn glances. As a self-conscious teenager and young adult, I would minimize both by posture and behavior. All special occassions required dramatic eye make-up, anything to downplay mes lèvres. I talked a lot, so at least they weren’t caught static. I wasn’t comfortable with that kind of attention to my body.
Then something happened. I found out someone I secretly admired may not be such a distant fantasy. Caught looking at ma bouche while I wasn’t talking, the attention was suddenly rewarding. I smiled. Contact was made. From this point on, I began to acknowledge the power of my lips in communicating and getting what I want without words. Everyone does it, it’s just that you have to flaunt what you have every once and a while.
The next dilemma was using the beasts. They don’t come with a users manual. I remember a particular school boy, my honors chemistry lab partner (yes - chemistry), who had a thing for my lips. It was insane, most high school boys don’t seem to be terribly subtle about their desires, but this one seemed to be quite adept, for all his hot geekiness. Dear me, how I did enjoy the flirting. Oh my, how I did love the fact he paid me such sweet compliments. But, when something is put on a pedestal it has a long way to fall.
The first date: anxiety set in during the ride to his family’s yacht (I know, I know…) from the show we had just seen. I knew it was coming, and suddenly I began to notice him physically, not just his great personality. Things were going to get physical with the brain I enjoyed so much. What comes first, beyond the eye contact, and nudges and brushes that we so casually make. I looked at his mouth, finally confronting myself that encounters of this sort begin there, and SHOCK! For the first time I remarked at how fine his lips were. What was I going to do?!
Once boarded, comfortably seated, my heart started racing in a very anxious way, not the exciting I-can’t-wait way. I was panicking big time. The kiss happened, all because of Mister Don Juan there, and it was fine. I obviously realized we didn’t have that kind of chemistry, but he seemed to enjoy it. I realized that with such discrepancies in size of lips, I was best off letting the other take the lead.
It was a happy realization. It wasn’t my first kiss (hardly), it was just the last awkward one. I learned to enjoy using my lips in various other ways and happily trailed them along the necks, hands, jaws, shoulders, etc of many since lovers. I am lucky enough today to have a partner with wonderfully fleshy lips so I can enjoy what others may have enjoyed from mine. I am by no means a consistent kisser, I have no method that is perfect for all. With the grace of plenty given to my mouth, I take each kiss as it comes.
Tags: kiss, lips
